i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
