Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
