So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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