Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my liver is dry heaving
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
