No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
