speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize