Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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