I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
