Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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