i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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