so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize