Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
