Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
