I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
