dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
