What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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