Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ttyl tear gas
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize