remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
