Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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