I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
