Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
one might say we're banned from that church
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
