After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
