You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize