I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He has the fingertips of a God
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