Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
