and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
