i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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