lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
