I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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