You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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