my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Success! We fucked roommates!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
