we're making bets on your personal life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
