I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
