I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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