my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
