Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize