We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
