You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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