farters have to be the big spoon...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
