just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
