No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
