I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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