no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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