miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
