If that was your dad, he is hot
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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