I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
