I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We don't watch enough power rangers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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