he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
