I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
