I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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