whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
