but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
