remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
