Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
