cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
