Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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