Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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