I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
