Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
