I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
