Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
