we're blogging at a bar
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
