What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
