If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
