i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
