i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
