Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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